reaching the new year soon =X last post for the year!!

hahaz... 3/4 hour till the clock strikes 12.... will try to squeeze in one MAJOR post... encompassing most of my thoughts throughout this year XD

actually wad is in my mind now is just thoughts of this year's concert and all the comments i have about it.... but have to save those for the coming AGR XD.... soo.... on to other (non-choral) areas of my life....

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okay so there isn't much left if i take out choir... lol..... ( heh... sry lah.. brain abit dead from staying in army for about 1/2 a year now)

hmmm.... this year has been an interesting year.... i already forgot just about what happened from june backwards.... and barely remember things like from october back to june.... (like i said.... brain dead) hahaz....

things that i noticed about myself this year:

- i actually ask ALOT out of myself... and i dun even realise it.... until recently.... i just realised that nuthin is ever good enough if i did it myself.... it can ALWAYS BE BETTER....

- it is actually possible for me to love and not love a person at the same time (i now you're like 0-o now...) i dun noe how that's done... but it happened when i was training in SISPEC... I noe its no longer in reach, and i've already moved on... yet i still feel the pinch... i shld abstain from card-reading for a while... its messing me up.... or maybe i've never really forgotten about her even though its like 3-4 years?

- sub-consciously i place my abilities (EXCEPT physical abilities lol) in accordance to those around me... i never really noticed it until recently.... how well i perform, how good i am seem to always be related to how good the people around me are... no wonder i never felt as though i've given my absolute best.... somehow i need to break-through this behaviour of mine and see how far i can REALLY go.....

Questions in my mind rite now:

- do i really know what i wanna do, where i wanna go? i feel as though i'm just wandering around again... i'm losing the feeling of "its the journey not the destination that matters"....

-when will the 'financial crisis' be lifted? market faster become better... then maybe then i can ask about me wanting to learn professional singing....

Things i've tied down this year?

- I am me XD... i'm not going to change that.... regardless of how childish people think my actions are or how retarded they think i look.... this is what they are getting... as long as i deliever, who cares?

- i'll no longer lie to myself.... never again will i keep how i feel to myself, even if i think it might trouble her... this amount of regret is not worth it, and speculating her answer is just too painful... cards dun lie, but they confuse further..... :(

-----interesting notes----

well there is only one... this christmas sheena gave me a rubic cube, and my brother gave me this coaster puzzle thingy.... hmmm.... i'm sure there is some sort of underlaying msg here.... XP

anyways... that coaster puzzle thingy is a little bit cheat money.... it writes level 4 and its... pretty easy..... i solved it in like 1 hour... -.- i wonder how many levels are there? 100? XD

argh!! not much time left.... some quick resolutions for the new year

- somehow at least ask about getting professional vocal lessons
- somehow get driving license.... (and stop my mum from nagging XD)
- somehow break that "behaviour" of mine....
- gather up courage and try for mensa membership before i fly to aussie.... XD (although chances are veri veri veri veri slim >.<)


last but not least.....

wishing all of you guys (and gals) a year of never-ending smiles :)